Misconceptions

Why did I create this blog? To share my story and Gods scripture to help others and myself recover from sexual addiction. This is not an account of all sex addicts or how this addiction affects them. This is an account of one sex addicts story (mine).

The following is a commentary based on my opinion to educate those who have misconceptions of what and who a sex addict really is. For those of you who have this disease, this is really not for you today unless of course you find something helpful in its content.

I spoke in my last blog of common labels and words associated with the term "sex addict" such as vile, disgusting, freak, and pervert that some members of society use in order to make themselves feel better than a lowly sex addict.  Let me tell you who the lowly sex addict is: your priest, doctor, lawyer, grocer, teacher, banker, parking attendant, waiter/waitress, bus driver, toll booth attendant, politician, your son or daughters scout master, your son or daughter, your spouse or even you. It can be anyone.

So what is a sex addict really? I have told people I am sex addict and they ask me "are you registered" I tell them "no, that is a sex offender, I am a sex addict". A sexual addiction broken down to its simplest form is: any negative sexual behavior that people are compulsively using on a regular basis to fulfill some sort of need in their life. These behaviors might include any or more of the following: pornography, inappropriate sexual relationships with a minor (if you are an adult), online chatting, lusting, flirting, masturbation, infidelity-affairs or prostitutes, pornographic articles, just to name a few. If you find yourself becoming a slave to these behaviors then chances are you are or will be soon on the road to a sexual addiction.

I hear people all the time saying, "if your going to be addicted to something it may as well be sex" (chuckle, chuckle). NO! It's not a chuckling matter. I chose the title "there is an elephant in the room" because sexual addiction is infiltrating households by the thousands and no one is talking about.  It is there in the air but no one acknowledges it, they think it will go away. I am here to tell you that is huge misconception. It does not go away it gets worse like any other addiction. Sexual addiction is ruining lives and leading thousands towards their death (spiritually and physically).  It destroys marriages and tears families apart.  It contributes to suicides, bankruptcies, irreversible medical conditions, sexually transmitted diseases, and a multi-billion dollar industry that preys upon vulnerable, broken, hurt, and lost souls that are someone's son, daughter, sister, brother, grandchild, etc. and sucks them into the vast wasteland of Satan.  We as a society are whipping out the credit card to buy people like we did in the slave days. We are just much more advanced in our selection process of who we purchase and what job they are going to get done for us. Porn peddlers, pimps, video producers, strip club owners, adult book owners and television executives know this and do not care. With this is mind, is sex addiction an addiction to have if you're going to have one?  I'm not willing to contribute to another's spiritual or physical death- so for me the answer is "NO", if a person is going to have an addiction, please let it not be to sex.  This is not a joke or some figment of our imagination, sex addiction is real and causes real pain.  Let's not minimize the pain of those who have been affected by having sex addiction be the punch line. 

My wife and I were talking tonight and she said people don't realize that Satan is using sex to gain a stronghold in the lives of many. They don't see that sexual acts not of God are more than likely of Satan because as Jesus said:  John 10:10; The thief's purpose is to steal, to kill and to destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

Sexual addiction is not a rich and satisfying life. It can't be. It steals your self worth, it kills your intimacy, and destroys your soul in the end. The bible is filled with scripture about sexual sin and I have quoted quite a few of them in past blogs, my point is this: God knew this was going to happen and He gave us the information we needed to fight Satan on his own playground. I myself chose not to listen to God at a very early age because His way and my way were not compatible to provide for me what I wanted (immediate gratification).  I wanted the immediate pleasure and temporary escape from a constant pain.  Pain that ended up controlling me and all my actions. My choice for relief was not prayer it was pleasure. I developed and carefully nurtured an addiction to sex.

This is a process addiction which means: a series of rituals are put into play as a way of coping with a negative situation. I will share with you my "process" with prostitutes. My seeking protitutes began as a way to lose my virginity. But from the moment that woman got in the car and I took her to her place of business I was hooked. It quickly became an escape for me. It was mine and no one knew, I was in control. Soon I began to need the danger, the risk and the control, because I was feeling out of control. After my first time, and my discovery that I wanted the excitement of breaking a law and getting control of a woman is when this particular part of my disease kicked in.  My pattern for the next 10 years surfaced.  It started with stress, whether it was stress in my relationships, money, peers, jobs, it didn't matter, I sought out sexual release with a prostitute.  I became dependent on picking up prostitutes. Soon, it wasn't just stress that led me to prostitutes.  It was any experiencing any feeling that I didn't like in response to what was going on in my life at the time (real or imagined).  I would feel something I didn't like and go out to seek my prostitute.   Other days I just wanted to feel normal and in control of something in my life. If I wasn't being sexual I wasn't being normal. So I would think about where I would go, I made my phone calls to my wife to come up with my excuse for being gone that night, I would make sure I had an extra amount of cash on me in case I wanted more from one or the same from two; I always checked to make sure I had gas, plenty of cigarettes and enough to drink.  I would find a girl, watch her and wait for her return from a date ( a long return meant she was real, a quick return meant she was cop) to make sure it was safe. If I could not find one I liked I would get frustrated and started thinking about some other way I could get sex. This would lead me down some road to fulfill my "need" because I could not rest until I was satisfied. It was not pretty.  I have placed myself with some dangerous people in dangerous areas, and I lusted for it.  It became a ritual, a familiar ritual that was a safety net for me, that ended up costing thousands of dollars and a wife.

It is huge Misconception that is a harmless disease. It is not an excuse to cheat,  it is a learned behavior disorder that anyone is at risk of developing. It can start with one bad choice, one exciting encounter, one click on a mouse, or decision to escape a feeling with sex just one time, masturbation that is harmless we think, if it so harmless, how many times are you doing it? What are you thinking about? And how does it affect your sex life and intimacy with your loved one?

God wants to lead His people out of bondage. We are naturally designed to want and need sexual relations. I heard tonight that sex was created before sin ever happened in this world. That God designed it for pleasure and procreation. Satan took that and has been ruining man for years with ungodly practices of sexual behavior. I am a sex addict and I turned my back on God at age 9 (as much as a 9 year old can anyway). But we are becoming enslaved to sexual thoughts, ideas, actions and making unhealthy sexual decisions. We have placed ourselves in bondage and God offers a way out.

Since I have given my life to Christ I have gotten better. Jesus is slowly taking my behaviors from me and I am a much different person. I am not perfect by any means, I still struggle sexually and am tempted to act out sexually, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. It is because I have Jesus in my life that I am able to keep myself, with His help, from the abyss that dominated my life for so long. He can do that for anyone who seeks Him.

In conclusion, lets dispel a couple of misconceptions.  First, sex addiction is not only for the low life scum that are jobless, homeless and poor- sex addicts are like you.  They are doctors, lawyers, cowboys, teachers, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, police officers, judges, construction workers, homemakers, waitresses, pastors, etc.. If you reason you are not a sex addict because you do not have inappropriate sexual relations with others, yet you spend hours a week isolated with a dirty magazine hidden from your spouse, you might be in denial- a denial that is likely to be eating at your soul and going to cost you more than you will want to ever pay. 

Second, sex addiction is a harmful addiction and there are victims. 

Third, while all sex offenders are sex addicts, not all sex addicts are sex offenders.  To be honest, there are far more sex addicts than there are offenders.  Not all alcoholics have killed while driving drunk, but all those driving drunk are most likely alcoholics.  Not all drug addicts have track marks in their arms, but those who have track marks are most likely drug addicts.  All mothers are women, but not all women are mothers.  You get the point, so use it to break this misconception and help fight the ignorance surrounding this disease and stop asking sex addicts "so are you registered?".

Break the misconception of what sex addiction is, what a sex addict "looks like" by educating yourself. 
Visit: http://www.sexual-addiction.net/, http://www.sexualrecovery.com/, http://www.sexual-addiction-recovery.com/, or http://www.sexhelp.com/ for more information on sex addiction and treatment. 

Father in Heaven, we come to you tonight knowing that the enemy has created a psychological weapon against the Kingdom. In your mercy and by your grace, we ask for forgiveness of our sexual sin. We realize Father that through your glory, your mercy and your love for us we can overcome all that You did not want for us. Father we also pray that those who don't understand soon do and that sexual addiction is on the lips of church's, recognized in living rooms and bedrooms, is wiped from our computers and claims fewer people daily until the enemy no longer maintains a stronghold for the destruction of the ones you love. We pray that television, movies, radio, newspapers, magazines and video's stop sensationalizing an act meant as a gift from you to line their pockets and destroy the lives of your chosen people. Father we pray this in the precious name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

My prayers are with you. Jason.

Legal

Hello, I am back in the swing of things and am going to be able to devote the time needed to this blog. I apologize for the lack of time between posts and hope you will forgive me.

Needless to say sexual addiction carries with it many stereotypes that in the hands of the uneducated or the bias, can cause major problems in a persons life. However, that just means we educate more and speak even louder. Sex addiction is a very misunderstood disease. People need to know more so we can chisle away at the stereotypes associated with it. They include; child molester, peeping Tom, pervert, sicko, porn freak, cheater. Need I go on? No not really because what good would that do? Bottom line is, we who are in recovery know that we are not those things despite world views of who we are, what we have done and what we have failed to do, these are not who we are in our hearts. Yet the world automatically handicaps us when the term sex addict is mentioned.

But let us state one simple fact, "Whats right is right", that is the situation I find myself in currently. My employer was unethically treating myself and others unfairly and I let the company know. I was first greeted with a handshake and a cup of coffee and a nice long hour conversation with my one of my supervisors. I informed him of my sexual addiction as I did my immediate supervisor some time ago. I was asked during that statement, "are you registered then?" I told him,  "no sex offenders have to be registered I am a sexual addict which means I struggle with pornography, and few other areas" His response was "ok I thought you were attracted to kids and we couldn't have that not with all the kids we going in and out of there". That is always an uncomfortable question no matter how many times I have been asked in the last couple of years.

After that Conversation I took a trip out of town for something the Wife and I had planned, my contact person for the company said that he would investigate the problem upon my return. I felt that was a good solution, and that my interests were protected. My return to work found that person interviewing people as he had promised. I had no cause for alarm because all was working like I was told it would. My second interview came around a couple of days later and I was broadsided with accusations about my job performance (even though it has never been brought into question until that day), I was met with accusations of people being uncomfortable around me because my confidential information previously given was exposed, my co-workers were asked questions regarding my sexual conduct with them. I asked did all the interviews getted treated the same way, I was told "YES", to which my response was than why was I not asked sexual questions about them. I was given no answer. Then I asked "if I had not told you or Tim about my condition would it even have been an issue" they said "NO". One sided? Yeah I thought so too. However, they had no basis for any sexual misconduct otherwise I would have lost my job right then. It did not happen because I did nothing wrong. Which leads me to a peice of scripture I found attesting to that very point;

 1 Peter 2:11-12; Dear friends I warn you as temporary residents and foriegners, to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when He judges the world.

That is what happened in a phone call to the Vice President of the Company this morning, a good honest man, who listens to reasons and weighed accusations fairly. He saw my dedication and listened to my concerns and addressed the role both parties played in this unfortunate turn of events. I wish to express to all of you recovering, "you have nothing to be ashamed of, we are recovering from an unhealthy lifestyle, because we made that choice, that shows intergrity on our part to be better people." Will you be falsely accussed? perhaps. I will not sugar coat that but do not let it deter you from what is right. Now as my wife pointed out we dont have to tell everyone we are recovering sex addicts and we do have to weigh the needs of those close to us. As they do also play a vital role in our lives. A fact that sometimes I forget in my drive to let the whole world know that I love God and I am a sex addict and by gosh we will help people get better!

I have not told you of the religous discrimination I have been encountering. I plan to still address that issue further. However, as I told my contact person in my second interview, "I will not have my God or Jesus Christ ridiculed, I don't care who is around or what their position is!" More to come on that one.

I leave you with a prayer: Father in Heaven, we as believers face the trials You and the authors of the Bible have talked about, let us stand firm in our beliefs that the Kingdom of God is stronger and more powerful than any Human institution. We will be falsly accussed for our beliefs and other things that are out of our control. But Father let us have the courage when our beliefs, our lifestyle changes, our families, and our reputations are in jeporady, that we call upon the Holy Spirit you placed within us as comfort in private times and reinforcements in turbulant times. Let us help the world know that Jesus Christ is alive, He is coming back, He forgives our sins and it is possible for all, even our accusers, to have the Kingdom of Heaven at hand everyday. That we as recovering sex addicts and people of God, we will  overcome and this disease will be stripped from the hands of the enemy violently, swiftly, and quickly. Father we pray this in the precious name of JESUS CHRIST amen.

My prayers are with you. Jason.