Zealous

According to the dictionary the word zealous means; to be devoted, to actively pursue. We must have those attributes in our faith, our recovery, and our for doing our part in the world. We who are in recovery understand that through the grace of God we can have a meaningful life that Glorifies God and brings to us great joy and peace we have never known before. To maintain this new life we must be zealous which of course means; be devoted to it and actively pursue it.

The journey I have been on with these series of writings has dramatically changed my heart and mind. I truly believe this project has been a gift from God. Through this my passion for our Savior and redeemer has become very personal to me. Because of that I have stated some beliefs to people out loud that I normally wouldn't have a few years ago or even a few months ago for that matter. At one point I stood toe to toe with my employer defending Jesus and let it be known that what was being said was not ok. That my friends is God changing us from the inside out. I have also been blessed to be able to fight urges and old behaviors that take away from God, my recovery and would not honor my wife. Notice I said "fight urges" because they are still there. Thirty years of addiction does not go away overnight; but prayer, desire, hope and knowing deep inside God knows who I am helps me want to honor my chance I have been given to live a Godly purposeful life. It fuels my desire to honor Jesus and what He went through so guys like me who have sinned greatly and repeatedly can at one point return home despite what we have done through the honest act of repenting and believing.

That brings me to the body of this message and what we are now called to do with our chance and our new life in Christ. The scripture I am about to share will have many different meanings to many different different people as all of our circumstances are different. However, the one thing that is true in all of our lives with this scripture is we must not be ashamed of the one who saved us and gave us new life if we so seek it. God will help us fulfill this scripture in our lives through words, actions, and being living examples of change. It is possible as I have experienced these words in my own life and I am a better man for it.

1 Peter 3:13-18; Now who will want to harm if you are zealous to do good? But even if you suffer for what is right, God will reward you for it. So don't worry or be afraid of their threats. Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks you about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. Remember it is better to suffer for doing good, if it is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong! Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but He died for you sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.

 How might this scripture apply to recovering sex addicts? As I said this will mean different things to different people, as all our experiences our different. But an example of how this applies is in recovery they say that you must change your playground and playmates to avoid going back to the addictive lifestyle. Cutting off relationships to women we are having affairs with or some other relationship that fuels our addiction can really make some people angry. Therefore they may threaten to expose us and our habits. However, let me share one very important if not crucial fact with you. God does take anything bad and make it worse. In the end when it is all said and done it is always beneficial to us and those around us. To go back to the example of cutting off relationships the end result may be some truths get exposed, talked about and worked on and others can go on to relationships that are not as harmful to them and we can have relationships that aren't harmful to us. The road may get bumpy but God will help us through it. We then come out on the other side a better person for it because we had Christ as the Lord of our life and we no longer have to be ashamed and we have no secrets to keep us from moving forward. But again this is an example of applying this scripture the true application must come through guidance, support and prayer as God knows exactly what we need to do in our lives. If we believe and want redemption and salvation we are required to change and live a life which honors Christ and we are required to share the Gospel when asked how did you do it?

I truly wish all of us in recovery and those who have yet come to recovery and Christ could just be better and put this life behind us. The blood of Christ has washed away our sins and Heaven no longer remembers when we repent and become born again to Christ. That is Heaven though and we are human and humans remember and humans respond to the flesh because we live in the "world". But God gives us tools to help us live in the "word" as we live in the "world". The following are tools I have used to zealously pursue my recovery and my life with Christ, hopefully they help you: I listen only to Christian music because other music makes me think sexual thoughts when they sing about one night stands and the good times the bars and clubs offer, Christian music reminds me of my desires for Christ, helps me stay grounded and gives me hope; I try to watch TV that doesn't glorify sex or sexual dominance of others like crime shows, music videos, or reality TV; I try to read my bible as a reminder that I am working towards something bigger and better than I could ever imagine, it also helps me when I am really struggling to just pick it up and see there is a choice and that help is available; When I pass the pornography store I turn my head the other way as I go by; I pray through out the day for help or just to stay connected when I don't I feel disconnected from God and I just get irritable and I become more susceptible to temptation so prayer is important; I make my 12 step meetings every week to talk about what is going on and be reminded of where I am at, if I can't make them for some reason I do something to stay in touch; these are just some of things that work for me because I know those are things that I have to do.

Remember God did not put us on this Earth to be an addict, an addict is something we may have become but do not have resolve ourselves to being. He wants us to live and enjoy life, help others and be useful. He is a God that does not go back on His word and does not require things we are not capable of. His rewards for a Godly purposeful life are unending, and He will never leave you to bare your pain or joys alone. He is a God that loved us so much that He sacrificed His own Son so we could be with Him forever. That is a perfect love from a perfect God. Jesus took on all the pain, persecution, shame and embarrassment when He was put to death on the Cross for you and me. Anything we have to endure for following Him and giving our life to Him pales in comparison. We may feel like we have been to Hell but Jesus overcame it.

Zealously pursue your life with Christ and your recovery. Die to your old self and give birth to the person you want to be deep inside and the person God intended you to be. Be brought to life in the Spirit as the scripture says and you will know peace and purpose. My prayer for closing this series of writings of the A to Z of sexual addiction is humble and small compared to the promise that Jesus left us with in the book of Revelations.

Revelations 22:12-13; "Look, I am coming soon, bringing my reward with me to repay all people according to their deeds. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Begining and the End."

Your Story

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other sex addicts and practice these principles in our lives.

There are three parts to this step which are; spiritual awakening, carrying the message and practicing the principles in our lives. Let us take a look at each part so your story can have an impact on others. The reason for this is when others hear what you have been through they don't feel so alone and isolated in their own addiction. They may have many questions for you as you share your experience, strength and hope because they are piecing together answers for their life. There is nothing wrong with this because it shows a desire to get better and that is the only requirement for recovery. Telling your story of what happened, what it was like and what it is like now helps you see the insanity of your past. It also shows others new in recovery that through prayer, honesty, desire, and hard work that you have made great strides and that they can too.

Why tell your story? Why drag up all that stuff from the past? Because it happened that's why. If you have an old football story or some other sports story you tell it whenever you can. It is a way to show others what you have accomplished or you use it to inspire a young athlete to go after their dreams. If you have a story of heroism from a brave act in which you put it all on the line to help someone else you tell it. There are lots of different stories we tell of our lives for one reason or another, so why not tell this one? This story of your life contains the same attributes as a football story or act of heroism. This story tells how you recovered to inspire others to go after their dreams of a better life, and tells of the act of heroism you demonstrated by reaching in with the jaws of life and saving yourself, your family and your soul.  This story can be told to the right people at the right place and at the right time.

Be careful not to judge others lest we be judged ourselves. I am guilty of this, my thoughts have gone to why tell this guy my story? It can't help him because he is far worse off than me. Therefore I did not share with that person. He was a fellow sex addict that needed the message carried on to him. That man relapsed several times and I have lost contact with him. I still wonder if I would have shared more openly and honestly like I should have, where he would be? He just saw where I was at but I did not tell him I got there. Remember we are all the same we just chose different avenues to take to arrive at the same destination. Someone else may want to hear the route you took so they either avoid that street or decide to take it because it made more sense than the route they are on.

We who are in recovery need to help one another or this disease will continue to thrive in isolation. Now there are a couple of things to watch for in helping others and carrying the message. The first thing to watch for is taking care not to become triggered by closely working with another, it can happen. Carrying the message could also have just as strong of impact by passing the message along to another person better suited to handle that persons situation if you saw your own recovery in danger by this persons story. The second thing to watch for is not sounding sanctimonious, guilty of this one too, but I have learned people listened to a humbled heart more than a "loud mouth". You can not relate to a "loud mouth" because they are seemingly without failure and those people are intimidating. If you want your story to have any impact and carry the message to others, then remember one simple thing; we are all in need of help no more or no less, and no exceptions. Do not raise yourself higher and do not set yourself lower.

Before we get into what this step means entirely, I want to share scripture that supports sharing your story and helping others through the practice of the 12th step.

Galatians 6:1-5; If another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are Godly should humbly and gently help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other's burdens and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.
Pay  careful attention to your own work, for then you will get satisfaction out of a job well done, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

Now lets tear into step 12 and see what this means to us:
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps: This means as a result of hitting bottom and acknowledging our need for God we started out on a spiritual journey. We first had to admit we were powerless and that no human power could relieve our addiction. Therefore, we came to believe that God was the answer and we turned our will and our lives over to Him. In doing so we had to had to let God run our lives and help us through the emotional pains we were experiencing, we had to take responsibility for our role in our addiction and we then saw where our character fell short of the Kingdom of God; and had to ask Him to make that change in us. Through prayer and patience we saw our lives change and were able to demonstrate to others that grace can and does happen.

We try to carry this message to other sex addicts: You will hear members often say, "helping you, helps me" so we share the story of our battle as well as the story of recovery. Our addiction now has become a teaching tool for newcomers so they can see parallels to their own lives. This helps them realize they are not alone and the problems they face are common to this addiction.  In this way we have become channels for healing as a direct result of our experiences in our sickness and in our recovery.

...and practice these principles in our lives: We have learned to live in a way that requires honesty, openness, sharing and taking responsibility for our actions. We carry these principles home to our own relationships and have a much more caring and intimate relationship with our spouses or significant others, our families, friends and our working relationships. We realize that we do not have to sexualize our world to make sense of it. Through these teachings we live in such a way that we never thought possible before. Living and loving better by example can change many peoples lives.

What is your story? What legacy will you leave? How will people remember you? It is in your hands, will you place it in God's? He can transform and change us from deep within and what we show the world is what He will want the world to see. Your story can't be told if you are the only one who hears it.

Father in Heaven, this addiction strengthens itself on shame and embarrassment so we ask that through your grace and love those barriers of silence be removed. In sharing our story we can become stronger by not having secrets steal our strength. We know that on this Earth we are part of a community of believers and non-believers each with their own views and opinions of how we should or shouldn't be and what we should or shouldn't have done. We pray to be able to  stand up and say to all who will listen "this is who I am, this is what I have done and through the Grace of God I can help you!". That would be an amazing accomplishment for ourselves, your Kingdom and would benefit those who need to hear it. We pray that you fill us with the Spirit as all is possible through you. Father we pray this in the name of your Son and our Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Amen.

My prayers are with you. Jason.