Your Story

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other sex addicts and practice these principles in our lives.

There are three parts to this step which are; spiritual awakening, carrying the message and practicing the principles in our lives. Let us take a look at each part so your story can have an impact on others. The reason for this is when others hear what you have been through they don't feel so alone and isolated in their own addiction. They may have many questions for you as you share your experience, strength and hope because they are piecing together answers for their life. There is nothing wrong with this because it shows a desire to get better and that is the only requirement for recovery. Telling your story of what happened, what it was like and what it is like now helps you see the insanity of your past. It also shows others new in recovery that through prayer, honesty, desire, and hard work that you have made great strides and that they can too.

Why tell your story? Why drag up all that stuff from the past? Because it happened that's why. If you have an old football story or some other sports story you tell it whenever you can. It is a way to show others what you have accomplished or you use it to inspire a young athlete to go after their dreams. If you have a story of heroism from a brave act in which you put it all on the line to help someone else you tell it. There are lots of different stories we tell of our lives for one reason or another, so why not tell this one? This story of your life contains the same attributes as a football story or act of heroism. This story tells how you recovered to inspire others to go after their dreams of a better life, and tells of the act of heroism you demonstrated by reaching in with the jaws of life and saving yourself, your family and your soul.  This story can be told to the right people at the right place and at the right time.

Be careful not to judge others lest we be judged ourselves. I am guilty of this, my thoughts have gone to why tell this guy my story? It can't help him because he is far worse off than me. Therefore I did not share with that person. He was a fellow sex addict that needed the message carried on to him. That man relapsed several times and I have lost contact with him. I still wonder if I would have shared more openly and honestly like I should have, where he would be? He just saw where I was at but I did not tell him I got there. Remember we are all the same we just chose different avenues to take to arrive at the same destination. Someone else may want to hear the route you took so they either avoid that street or decide to take it because it made more sense than the route they are on.

We who are in recovery need to help one another or this disease will continue to thrive in isolation. Now there are a couple of things to watch for in helping others and carrying the message. The first thing to watch for is taking care not to become triggered by closely working with another, it can happen. Carrying the message could also have just as strong of impact by passing the message along to another person better suited to handle that persons situation if you saw your own recovery in danger by this persons story. The second thing to watch for is not sounding sanctimonious, guilty of this one too, but I have learned people listened to a humbled heart more than a "loud mouth". You can not relate to a "loud mouth" because they are seemingly without failure and those people are intimidating. If you want your story to have any impact and carry the message to others, then remember one simple thing; we are all in need of help no more or no less, and no exceptions. Do not raise yourself higher and do not set yourself lower.

Before we get into what this step means entirely, I want to share scripture that supports sharing your story and helping others through the practice of the 12th step.

Galatians 6:1-5; If another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are Godly should humbly and gently help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other's burdens and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.
Pay  careful attention to your own work, for then you will get satisfaction out of a job well done, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

Now lets tear into step 12 and see what this means to us:
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps: This means as a result of hitting bottom and acknowledging our need for God we started out on a spiritual journey. We first had to admit we were powerless and that no human power could relieve our addiction. Therefore, we came to believe that God was the answer and we turned our will and our lives over to Him. In doing so we had to had to let God run our lives and help us through the emotional pains we were experiencing, we had to take responsibility for our role in our addiction and we then saw where our character fell short of the Kingdom of God; and had to ask Him to make that change in us. Through prayer and patience we saw our lives change and were able to demonstrate to others that grace can and does happen.

We try to carry this message to other sex addicts: You will hear members often say, "helping you, helps me" so we share the story of our battle as well as the story of recovery. Our addiction now has become a teaching tool for newcomers so they can see parallels to their own lives. This helps them realize they are not alone and the problems they face are common to this addiction.  In this way we have become channels for healing as a direct result of our experiences in our sickness and in our recovery.

...and practice these principles in our lives: We have learned to live in a way that requires honesty, openness, sharing and taking responsibility for our actions. We carry these principles home to our own relationships and have a much more caring and intimate relationship with our spouses or significant others, our families, friends and our working relationships. We realize that we do not have to sexualize our world to make sense of it. Through these teachings we live in such a way that we never thought possible before. Living and loving better by example can change many peoples lives.

What is your story? What legacy will you leave? How will people remember you? It is in your hands, will you place it in God's? He can transform and change us from deep within and what we show the world is what He will want the world to see. Your story can't be told if you are the only one who hears it.

Father in Heaven, this addiction strengthens itself on shame and embarrassment so we ask that through your grace and love those barriers of silence be removed. In sharing our story we can become stronger by not having secrets steal our strength. We know that on this Earth we are part of a community of believers and non-believers each with their own views and opinions of how we should or shouldn't be and what we should or shouldn't have done. We pray to be able to  stand up and say to all who will listen "this is who I am, this is what I have done and through the Grace of God I can help you!". That would be an amazing accomplishment for ourselves, your Kingdom and would benefit those who need to hear it. We pray that you fill us with the Spirit as all is possible through you. Father we pray this in the name of your Son and our Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Amen.

My prayers are with you. Jason.