Boundaries

In writing this article I had to think about the definition of boundaries. Typically boundaries are lines that mark the limit of a territory. Which is what we have as people. Imaginary boundaries that mark the limits of what is ok for us emotionally and spiritually. Our boundaries can be crossed by us or allowing other to cross over them. Which in turn can cause damage to us or others. We also have a habit of trying to get other people to bring their boundaries down so we can reap the benefits. So many examples I can give on the manipulation I used to gain access to the inner borders of people I have been with. Shame on me and I know that. To those people I say: "I am heartfully sorry for putting you in the position of making a choice to allow your body to be used or to use your body to satisfy me in ways that made you feel less as a person." We as sex addicts don't think about the long term affects to our selves or other people. We focus on the here and now. We focus on the risk and sometimes the risk is the most intoxicating part of this drug we use called sex.

I want to focus on what I have given up of myself for the purpose of love, lust, and acceptance. As well as talk about what I have done to others for whatever need they were trying to fill at the time.

Before I do that though I want to share with you scripture that spoke to these very things.
2Peter chapter2: in this chapter he is talking about us and the people we deal with. I have taken various verses out of this chapter to demonstrate my point. I encourage you to read the whole thing because it spoke right to me. But without further Ado.... verse 14: They commit adultery with their eyes and their desire for sin is never satisfied. They lure unstable people into sin and they are well trained in greed." Verse 18-22: They brag about themselves with empty foolish boasting. With an appeal to twisted sexual desires, they lure back into sin those who barely escaped a lifestyle of deception. They promise freedom but they themselves are slaves of sin and corruption. For you are a slave to whatever controls you. And when people escape from the wickedness of this world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then get tangled up in sin again, they are worse off than before. It would be better for them if they had never known the way to righteousness, then know it and then reject the holy command they were given to live a holy life. They prove the truth of this proverb: A dog returns to its vomit."

Sound Harsh? Yeah I think it does. Is it wrong? No. I have been the person these verses talk about and I have spent time sexually with these people as well. But those verses speak of acts and consequences. The emotional part of this is inferred but not quoted specifically. But we know. We know it all to well. I have compromised my physical and emotional boundaries many times. I have been mugged, I have been in places where I could have lost my life, I have had a gun pointed at me. Emotionally I have let myself be used be people just for acceptance. This disease I have called "sexual addiction" has crushed my spirit. I am married and the shame I have for the man I have been is overwhelming when I look in her eyes sometimes. What better way to rid yourself of the feeling then to create another encounter or masturbate. The cycle continues.

My affairs with women occurred when, I foolishly told myself, the woman in my life was causing me stress or not giving me what I wanted. I would pick out the lower self esteemed women or be enticed by a woman giving me direct sexual innuendo's. The freedom either of those two scenario's offered was change and relief. They did not have a problem with me yet or they didn't know what my significant other knew. There has not been one single women I have been with that I have not cheated on because of that very reason. So I risked my home by getting caught, I risked my health because it would be unprotected most of the time. I completely took down the boundaries for relationships built on lies, lust, and false acceptance. My emotions would be all over the board at this point and I willing gave up myself for brief periods of something "different".

My next boundary I broke was that of making other women give up their boundaries. I listened to women cry after sex because they felt dirty. Or they would say "I can't believe I just did that". My pride would swell or my regret would cripple me and I would go so I wouldn't have to face what I just did. There have been prostitutes I have been with that needed to shoot up before they could perform sex acts on me or lay there while I performed ones on them. They told me "I can't unless I go shoot up" so I have helped them lifeless from the bathroom to my bed or a hotel bed. Their boundaries were crossed no matter what the reason they had for doing it, but I was the one that time who was using them.

Pornography, same thing, I read stories of women talking about how it makes them feel doing pornography. Shame, guilt, degraded, not feeling like a human, in a room full of men treating them like a paid animal and prop not a person. Yet I knew that and I spent a lot of time and money buying into the use of women who were faced with a choice no matter what the reason. That industry survives because of guys like me. I have heard stories of women killing themselves afterwards, internal bleeding, tearing of body parts making young teen girls unable to ever have children because I wanted the good shot. They will live the rest of their lives with the consequences and I won't even remember the five or ten minutes I spent with them in a picture or video.

I could go on. But what good would that do? If you are a sex addict then you have experienced giving up yourself and the use of others. Jesus comforts our victims and saves us from our sins. Those verses written so very long ago, speak directly to you and me today. HE offers us peace and dignity. The accepting of Him can change your heart and your mind. I struggle with these things dealing with sex daily sometimes, but little by little God is helping me beat this addiction. My desires (my heartfelt desires) now are to give back to Him who has given me so much despite myself. satan wants to crush that, he sends his workers into this world to do the garbage I talked about above. We are pawns, but rejoice my fellow addicts because through Jesus Christ we can start to inch our way off the board. Because when checkmate happens the game is over, no more time to make any other move.

So I offer this prayer to you and me. Father in Heaven, we come to you as people who have lost our way, that the forces of sin have overtaken our lives and now we can't seem to figure a way out on our own. We ask that for all who have read the message today and for the thousands and thousands of others who suffer from sexual addiction, that you begin the process of restoration. We also ask that our victims be comforted and their life start to get restored as well. We want to live in the word but just don't know how. Help us Father. Amen.

My prayers are with you. Jason.