Rest

People used to say to me, "you look tired" in retrospect I guess I was. The energy that went into my addiction required a great deal from me. I gave more to my lies and my obsessions than I did my own wife and family. Three decades of giving to the addiction and taking from others wore me out, so yeah I can see why I had bags under my eyes, looked a little pale now and again, not eating or sleeping right can do that to a guy. There is some photographs of me in where I just looked plain horrible, almost sick, especially the more recent years. I don't mean to come across as dramatic but I have thought about how I looked to myself in the mirror, I do recall the grayness and lack of life in my eyes, it hit me just now that the discoloration was emotional, mental and physical exhaustion. Some days I didn't even recognize the reflection that looked back at me, because that man was not the man I dreamed of being when I was younger. It wasn't my childhood aspiration to become a struggling sex addict, with no college education, failed relationships and at one point no hope for being any better than the token I slipped in the video slot. Not always but sometimes. I needed to be that man so I could be this man today, a man that can hold his head up high and say "I love God and have been blessed for my life to bring Him glory". You know what else? I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and my eyes were white, a little red cause I just woke up, but white nonetheless. Also I realized no one has told me "you look tired" for going on quite a while. That is God and that is worth a lot.

In writing these short articles, it is to educate those who don't know and help those that do and share God's word to help others and myself gain some hope and make wiser decisions. With that being said why is "Rest" such an important thing? Some days it is everything to a sex addict. We who have this problem will tell you, "if I could only have just one day where I don't think about it. That would be heaven." It really would, because even to this day my obsessions can get the best of me if I don't pray about them to be taken away or ask for help to manage them. Before I had God as a regular part of my life, my obsessions created a significant amount of problems. Sleeplessness because my mind wouldn't stop thinking about sex, lack of concentration of getting simple daily things done because I ran out of time to do chores once I got it to subside, or I sat in a depression of having to deal with this need. I would become emotionally absent from my wife, unattached from our marriage and lost in my own world of sex, anger, depression and resentments. Using excuses for my behaviors, hiding things to keep my secrets, telling lies and taking risks that I had no right taking. All for these obsessions that flooded me sometimes daily for months on end. One day of rest from sex would have been really nice. Sort of like the credit card commercials: Hooker $20..., video rental $4.99, 3 days on porn site $1.99, one day without thinking of sex...Priceless!

That is what the enemy has to offer us. Jesus made us a different offer to get through this life. One that I am trying very hard to take Him up on and am seeing the rewards it has to offer. In the scripture I found for rest He talks of taking on His "yolk" and yoked to another by definition means: being united to another in order to work together. In doing so their work is considerably easier. By taking Jesus up on His offer our burdens and obsessions will become much more manageable. Matthew 11:28-30; Jesus said, "Come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my Yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls; For my Yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." Sound a bit more inviting than going it alone? I think so. By following Jesus I got the white back in my eyes and my life is easier to navigate without trying to cover my tracks or remember what lie I told who or where. I struggle but I have God to help me out. When my mind won't rest when my body wants to I ask God to make it so and He does. I am learning to be a partner to my wife instead of the addict she lives with. That is a "yoke" worth taking on. Yes I have burdens but Jesus didn't promise we wouldn't have any. He just said the ones I give are light. Meaning to me anyway, that He doesn't give us anything we can not handle with Him. He also carries the burdens for us sometimes, i.e. the footprints poem. "It was then that I carried you" is how that one ends.

Jesus offers us the rest we need. He gave us salvation and He did that through dying on the cross for us, He also offers rest in many forms...scripture, prayer, counselors, supports, friends, and recovery programs. Speaking of which in recovery we will and have found rest. Because Jesus offered us a way to live a life not so heavy laden by providing those who are sick a way to get better through people He put on this Earth like Dr. Bob and Bill Wilson of Alcoholics Anonymous. They wrote of the nine promises that come true in a spiritual program of recovery. In the fourth edition of the "Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book"-pages 83-84 these promises are spelled out. They are as follows per Alcoholics Anonymous writers: If we are painstaking about this phase development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. The writers continue on to say, Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. A true spiritual program of recovery, this is what is waiting for us who choose to get better and give our life over to God and seek His will for us. Scripture promises it and people are living it. Rest is Jesus and our eternal rest is what we forge through this life to receive. He teaches us to achieve it if we seek Him and obey Him. In Isaiah 57:2; the bible speaks of this: it says: For those who follow Godly paths will rest in peace when they die.

Long story short; I want rest, you want rest, we all want rest. Jesus is the way to get it. This life will run us into the ground if we let it. This life will also put us in the ground if we let it. So lets not. Remember for me and this life, it has been three decades, for you maybe the same or more, others less. Some not yet but will if they are not careful. Therefore, lets get better and take the rest of our time to work on a better life, more peaceful life and a life that offers us more rest than we have ever had before. You have the scripture and promise from Jesus Himself, AA's promises in writing for a more peaceful-restful life, what else can be said about this? Make the choice for these choices it is worth it. It is not easy at first, but it gets better, it will be up and down but always the worst day with Christ is better than the best day in addiction.

I would close with a prayer but you know exactly what you need rest from. God is just a breath away so I will let you and encourage you to choose your own closing prayer to this one.

Jason.