Victimization

Caution: This article is harsh, to the point, and necessarily graphic in some cases. Our addiction is ugly and sometimes demands rigorous honesty to make an idea clear.

There is only way to start this article and that is with the "Golden Rule", Matthew 7:12; Jesus said, "Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets".

If you think about the "Golden Rule" it is a very solid piece of advice, but then why would it not be? God Himself gave it. Despite this rule there are many victims to sexual addiction all over the world. We need to examine this rule in a fresh perspective and apply it to ourselves and our addiction. With that being said, there is two different ways we victimize; victimization of others and victimization's of ourselves. Let's take a look at both of those because we need to understand the effects of our addiction and how this rule applies to it.

First, let us look at ourselves. I know for a fact I have done to others what I would not like them to do to me. In the same token though I have done to myself what I would not want others to do to me. We use and abuse our own bodies as much, if not more, than we do other peoples bodies through excessive masturbation causing bleeding, sensitivity problems, and in some case having to surgically fix damage. We take drugs used to intensify sexual arousal or numb sensitivity for prolonged experiences but we wouldn't want other people making us take drugs. We allow people to use invasive sexual toys and suffocation techniques (sometimes by choice) because we need to feel loved and accepted by those we are with and we think that is the only way to get what we need, by letting them do those things. Even though by ourselves we would not.  We take our own money, by giving it to porn sites, strip clubs, prostitutes, adult book stores and more. Money that could have paid our bills, bought food, bought gas for our car, and even could have taken us on vacations. However, if anyone stole our money we would become angry, but we let those things steal our money willingly. We cheat ourselves out of what can be fulfilling by taking time from our families, forsaking relationships, turning down jobs that would interfere with the addiction, staying at home to look at porn instead of getting involved with outside things such as the park, a fair, a gathering, etc. In essence we kidnap ourselves from our family and community. We would not want others to lie to us but we lie to ourselves through rationalizations to help make the addiction and the acting out more bearable. We create more emotional turmoil in ourselves than we would tolerate any one person giving to us. We verbally and sometimes physically beat ourselves up over what this addiction has caused us to do although we would not others to emotionally or physically abuse us. Finally, we put our own souls at risk and steal our own faith by robbing our selves of a relationship with Christ because we find our selves too unforgivable, so we don't try to make that connection. Or we do not think Christ would be accepting of our lifestyle so selfishly we stay in this life and chose not to make a Christ connection because it would screw up the addiction. Either way keeps Christ in the back seat and sexual addiction in the front. So you see the "Golden Rule" if turned around for individual practice works too, Do not do to yourself that you would not want others to do to you. I am not re-writing the Golden Rule by any means, it just one addicts way of looking at it in a different light. Bottom line is if we would not want others victimizing us. stealing from us, lying to us and cheating us, than we need to stop doing that to ourselves.

We have seen the ways we victimize ourselves, so if we don't want others to do those things to us, then why do we do it to them? Because you can't see the forest through all those trees. Active addiction sets in motion a locomotive that wrecks anything in its path. In my active addiction I ran over a lot of people who were left standing there thinking "Did anyone get the license plate of that truck?" I made sure the plate was covered as best I could. I won't go into who, what or where in my victimization because we all have our own stories.  Here are just a couple of things to think about, we would not our spouse to have an affair on us but we have one on them. We wouldn't want someone to pick up our daughter for sex but we pick up someone else's daughter. If we needed money for food, rent, utilities, our kids school clothes or something else, we would not want someone to say, "I will give you money for those if you give me sex". Or if we needed a job we would not want the requirement to be a romp on the couch in the bosses office over lunch or after work. But we do these things to others. "Do to others what you would have them do to you" Christ's words not mine.

So with the "Golden Rule" being laid out there by our Lord and Savior, why do we do these things? That one you have to answer on your own because only you know why. Now this is what I have had the privilege of being taught in recovery, if it is not a God honoring action than more than likely we should not be doing it. This "Golden Rule" is a double sided sword, it teaches us to respect ourselves and others, it is also (in my opinion) designed to shape our conscious of right and wrong. I know this is a tough addiction to fight and those draws to act out are excruciating some days. However, if we are going to recover we have to stop being selfish and give others the same respect, courtesy, and love that we want. We have to understand that we can not pursue this addiction without the hurting, exploiting, disregarding, using, lying to, and stealing self respect of other people. We need to give what we demand or we have no right to demand fair, equal and loving treatment from others. Essentially you receive what you put out. We are not objects we are people, the people we use as objects are people to. We won't recover until we learn that every child of God is real and loved just as much as we are. We are abusing, using and exploiting God's children like it or not, it is a fact. But again we won't recover till we realize that, because do you really want to stand there and tell God, "yeah I bought your daughter for twenty bucks". I haven't had to say that for a long time, I have had to do that in my repentance and it is not pleasant but I have the choice not to have to say it again. It may be tough but its possible.

 I told myself I wouldn't go here with this but I almost have to with regards to respecting others and the treatment we want to receive in return. With that being said let me go on this little tangent. Just because we may not be able to touch or talk to a picture or video, doesn't not make the actor/actress any less of a living breathing person with feelings, emotions, families, children, financial responsibilities and dreams. It is easy to use an object, much harder to use a person. Speaking in general terms our type of lifestyle would not exist without the exploitation of others. Either mentally, physically or in some type of media. Since I have had a chance to look at the sex industry from a different perspective than what I was used too, let me share what I have learned. Recent studies show according to Internet sources that an estimated 1 million children have been sold into sexual slavery in last few years, there are over 1 billion pornography sites on the Internet to date, every college town in the United States has either a Internet pornography site, escort service, strip club or massage parlor that recruits our sons and daughters as they try to earn extra money for school. I hate to say it you guys but we fuel that industry. Some of them may willing supply, but only because we created the demand.  Just remember once again they are people with varying circumstances, we aren't required to take advantage of them.

I am not preaching because I am just as guilty as anybody, I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on the exploitation and use of God's children. I have had to admit that to God and beg for forgiveness. I am merely giving you one addicts perspective on what I believe to be a truism about our addiction. If this makes you mad I am sorry, but one guilty man should be able to talk to another.

Father in Heaven, we humbly come to you guilty of sexual sins against our fellows, we have taken from others and demanded more in return. We have victimized many knowingly and unknowingly and we ask forgiveness of our sins. We are all your sons and daughters and you tell us in the "Golden Rule" to treat each other as such. Yet our own selfishness has taken away from that. We ask that you help us to not use others and understand that we can not ask for more than we are willing to give, and we can not require more than what we deserve based on our own actions. Father we pray this in the precious name of your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

My prayers are with you. Jason.