Holiday season

Lets first take a look at the true meaning of Christmas: Luke 2:11-12 "Today in the town of David, a savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you; you will find a baby wrapped in cloth and lying in a manager." The birth of Jesus Christ, who was born to deliver mankind and grant salvation and eternal life to those who believe. The greatest day in the history of the world is spelled out in the Gospels. Christmas is a celebration of that birth and the gift that he would give the world later in life. That is what it is about for me and always has been. I remember getting frustrated with the whole Christmas thing. Shopping, bank accounts being drained so people could give each other gifts, the stress of the families so thankful to be together and then wanting to kill each other. Then there is the token church service, how is that God honoring? Oh I can go on and on with whats wrong with Christmas. But what good would that do? Nothing. I will state my view once and let it go. I have always wanted to celebrate the birth and do that by, celebrating with all the better things life has to offer. Simple meals, no gifts for every single person we know and are related to. A simple gift to the one you love that says I love you. People get to tied up in a lot of tradition that doesn't mean anything. I say get tied up in experiencing your family and your God. Santa wasn't in the Bible a but kind man in a European village is in the history books. He just wanted to spread good will and cheer to the children of his village. He was considered a Saint for what he did. "Ole' Saint Nick". Santa Claus was invented by Coca Cola in the early 1900's as part of an advertising campaign. Yes Santa Claus is a Copyrighted piece of the Coca Cola company and receives royalties from its uses and owns Contracts dictating the use of the Jolly ole elf. Yes they are making a killing off of "Good ole' Saint Nick" . That my friends is my Christmas tangent. But before I finish have you ever seen a seen a gift tag that says, "Happy birthday Jesus"?



But what does that have to do with sex addiction? Well nothing really except its my blog and I wanted to express that view. But Christmas season is a dangerous time of year for us. I want to share some my Christmas struggles that could serve as warning signs to you, that perhaps you are not in a good spot. For example, Malls are very bad places for us at Christmas. Can we avoid them? No. Perhaps some of us may need to though. But Malls on weekends and some select weeknights of extra special sales can prove to be very trying for us. Women and groups of them, trudging through the mall, sipping hot drinks and covering the food courts. Smiles and giggles; get my point? Why put yourself in that situation. Because sometimes it threw me into a sexual tailspin and for me it needed to get released one way or another.

Shopping with my wife or significant other also sometimes was a bad spot for me. Although I enjoy the window shopping and lunch thing, sometimes I got really bored or irritable. If I got bored I fantasized about taking her in the dressing room, or trying to watch the bottom of her door in what ever dressing room she was in. And if I couldn't see her door I would need something else to fill my time. Fantasy life or browsing the underwear which ironically is always right next to the dressing rooms. If not underwear it was always something provocative that said, "ooooh Ooooh! try me on while you are in there too!" Then when I got bored with that I would start to get irritable.. whether I showed it or not. Then that entitlement came in as "ok I did this purse holding, patient thing for you. Now I want something from you" So if you are having a rough time, open your mouth and communicate so she knows (I didn't do that, so some of those days didn't end so great). Or stay home. Do something to keep from letting things get to you sexually.

Family is a whole new ball of wax. My wife's family and my own got me extra aroused at times. What I mean by that is amidst all the chaos I wanted sex. Because sex I understood, sex I could control, sex was solitude and alone time. Sex was relaxing. If I didn't get it, I would release it with masturbation. It seemed the orgasm was my victory moment. I needed that victory because I felt so out of control in those situations. Or I needed the victory because of controversy or arguments or judgements or something that the joy of Family brings at the Holiday season. Which is why I expressed frustration earlier about that. Why cant families just be happy to be together and not worry so much about judging or controlling one another. Because my honest thought alot of time was, this is such garbage, you people don't really care about sitting in this circle opening gifts. They want what we all want because of the world we live in, get whats theirs. The bigger the gift the more they are loved, for me it was the better the sex the more I am loved. Truly sometimes the gift I most wanted was what I unwrapped at the end of the night. That is what was the most special to me. But in general no matter what your beliefs are of family or how well you get along with them. Sex for control and familiarity may very well become an issue at some point so just be aware that unhealthy feelings could trigger something.

Money and stress are two of the biggest triggers we have. They are also the two biggest problems we have in the holiday season. I think it is not of the scope of possibilities that one or both of these thing will cause you to act out. They always did me whether it was Christmas or not. Sex is a means and a way to control and escape these two horrible things in our life. They are just more in your face at Christmas time. I don't know what your recovery program is or if you even have one. But if you want to get better know what sets you off about this season and stop it before it starts. These are the things that get to me, you may have an entirely different list than I do. But for the most part I speak of these things because these are pretty common among the sex addiction world. Just be aware of your surroundings and feelings and your family situations.

SHAME is another really bad feeling for us. We are around all this goodness and we feel dirty. We feel like a horrible person and a liar. Our secrets and our desires if revealed would just ruin this gathering and they wouldn't love me anymore. Or you worry about people looking at you like they do know about your secret even if they don't. Now lets get real, shame is a feeling we try to crush by acting out. Acting out could reveal you. That creates even more shame. But in an effort to feel better, we risk using the one thing that always helps; Sex. So do what you can to keep shame at a minimum in a healthy way. Prayer is always a good one.

Like I said at the beginning about my beliefs of Christmas. It should be a time of God and healthy family relationships, not about the biggest or the best gift possible to beat out somebody else. Jesus is the reason for the season! Santa lives because Coke allows it and we want that guy in the red and white fuzzy suit to make us smile. So we put him in malls, out on lawns, in movies, by fireplaces, heck we even feed him cold cookies and warm milk. Why? because we have grown to depend on BS holiday cheer. And the addiction we have can spark up at any moment amidst all this chaos. Santa doesn't matter, God doesn't matter (until afterwards anyway) and we just need to control something in our lives and something is usually sex. Be careful the holidays can wreck havoc on your mind and if you act out, what is going to happen and who is going to be affected? Guard your spirit and your mind. It doesn't make you weak, it keeps you and others safe.

Finally, in your prayers; don't forget to wish Jesus a Happy Birthday!