Escape

Step Two in the Twelve Steps of the Sex Addicts Anonymous program says; We came to believe that a power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. In some cases as sex addicts that power usually isn't God. We seek everything we can till we find something that works to help us escape from problems. This step is crucial to our recovery. We need God or at least the concept of a Higher Power to get better. If we believe what we do works and we are as good as it gets than we are in a world of hurt. Because if we are as good as it gets and things still aren't working what is going to restore us to sanity? Came to believe doesn't have to mean you already do but it opens the door to the possibility that there is being greater than ourselves that can provide help and comfort when we need it. That concept in step two is an open invitation to freedom. In the following paragraphs we will look at we do and what we could do.

The 1st commandment says: "I am the Lord, Thy God, Thou shall not have any other God's before Me" But we do. In my escapes I wanted to get away from reality for brief periods of time, as I am sure we all do. I was seeking comfort for something going in my life. It could have been as big as a relationship issues or as small as boredom. But I sought out everything other than God. I would drink, look at pornography for hours, I would masturbate. I became so caught up in that escape of masturbation that I would sometimes have what I called "sessions" where I would prepare an area and grow almost high at the preparation and then the act was as close to Heaven as I thought I was going to get. Why couldn't I have spent that time in prayer. Do you know what kind of praying and help I could of asked for in the amount of time I spent preparing and doing? It shatters the imagination that's how much.

I was stuck on what to write with this subject and I asked God finally, "Ok I am stuck, what am I missing? What do you want me to say with this?" Then the answer came to me. "MY people are not running to me, they seek refuge in false idols" False Idols I thought, yeah that makes sense any escape can be an idol. Bars, women, masturbation, pornography, and even isolation. If we worship these things to help us feel better instead of seeking out God, then we are worshipping something other than Him. You wouldn't think Isolation would be a bad one if you were not really acting out, if you just wanted to be alone. But there is getting away from things for a while just to take a breather and there is what we do, cutting ourselves off from everyone, making a conscious effort not to deal with the world. We may or may not act out during these times but when the decision to stop dealing with life is made, our world becomes our Idol. We dictate when we will be available, what is allowed in the world and what is not, no phone calls, in short our world becomes our god but God is not allowed into our world. He wants to be. He would rather you talk to Him and seek comfort in Him than us shutting down life or acting out with our own bodies.

So we do have to believe a Power Greater Than Ourselves Can Restore Us To Sanity. Left to our own devices we will fail. Seeking comfort in external things will lead nowhere, self pleasure only last for a few minutes than the shame last for hours. I guarantee you when I have sought the comfort and the support of the Lord in a private moment where I have shut out the world to do something positive like prayer, I have never walked away shameful, irritable and feeling like garbage. It is when I have isolated and masturbated or looked at pornography, or hid from the world terrified to be seen that I walk away feeling those things.

Escape is a tough tough tough issue. There is healthy escapes like reading a book, taking a walk, watching a movie, getting a hobby, calling someone you love. All OK things I think. You might actually call those activities instead of escapes. But seeking refuge in the negative to feel positive is a bad thing.

Why do you need to escape? What is going in your life that you are escaping from? What feelings are you experiencing? Have you prayed? Why not? There is a power Greater than ourselves. That one is God and he loves you. I have experienced His open arms and believe me He has plenty of room for us all. Prayers can keep things in perspective, provide comfort, can stop us from acting out, can help you feel like you are not alone, but most importantly can tap you into a source of love that's literally out of this world.

So in conclusion, when the world gets tough and you are feeling out of control, maybe a little nuts or life just seems a bit hard that day there is choices you can make. You can rely on yourself, the pornography industry, the local tavern, the local talent, or God. So escape all boils down to one simple idea: Seek or Sin.

Let me leave you with this, for those who believe in a power greater than themselves. Pray. For those who don't but don't have anything to lose try this prayer: I may not know you but others do, help me get to know you, work in my life because I am all out of options. I have put my trust in asking for this help and they say those who seek will find. For now I call you my Higher Power, You are greater than me and I ask for help to my problem. Please my Higher power restore sanity and meaning to my life. Tell me what needs done and help me accomplish those tasks.

My Prayers are with you. Jason.
P.S. This blog is about me, these are the choices I face everyday sometimes.