Help

In the next few paragraphs I am going to take you to the lower moments in my life of just pure brokenness and how when I asked for help it was received.

To begin with, when people ask you, "Have you excepted Jesus as your Savior?" Do not get uncomfortable or look at them like they are a freak, and I will tell you why. People asked me that question for years and years. They asked "do you know him" and being a wise acre from time to time I said things like, "yeah I know him, he was over for breakfast this morning". Or I would say, "hey man I appreciate it but you got your beliefs and I got mine, so lets leave it at that". Little did I know till just a couple of years ago that Jesus sent those people to me because I needed it. He tried to reach me and live in my heart for a very long time. But I was to caught up in myself to hear it or heed it. However, since I have asked Jesus to be my savior there has been a very defined healing that is taking place within me. This can be done for you to, it can be done for everyone. So do not shun the people that ask that question, you don't have to answer them but at least think about it. I honestly had no idea how asking that question from the heart was going to change my life, absolutely no idea! Now before we proceed to the depths of my Hell on Earth let me share a prayer with you that I found here online, which is just one of I am sure a million different ways to ask Jesus into your heart. Again think about it, don't just read it and forget it, then it is my prayer you will actually do it, but here it is:

"Lord Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask you into my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve you always."

Let me take you to my moment with Christ which I shared with a man that loved me enough to take me by the hand right to the Savior Himself. That man was my counselor. I told him what was going on with me and that I was just feeling this impending sense of doom around me. Emotional pain physically manifesting itself to my inner senses of sight and touch. I could feel and see shadows of things (no I am not nuts) but I believe evil spirits were watching me for whatever reason (not for me to know why, nor do I want to know) but I had told him and my wife I can feel them outside the door waiting for me, I could see gray shadows quickly pass rooms I was in. I was just plain frightened. Cool chills in my alone time. The stuff horror movies are made from. But it happened, I truly believe as I wrote in my last blog I was warned about my souls' destination. But he asked me as I was sitting on his couch sucking on my comfort candy, "Jason, have you asked Jesus to truly be your savior?" To which I replied, "I believe in him if that's what you mean" that is not what he meant. I became filled with emotion and I started to sob as I was feeling that low and out of hope. But in that moment I knew I needed a Savior, I just talked to Him, nothing more. I told Him I was so sorry for what I have done, that I needed help. I had a heart to heart moment with Jesus Christ. As I talked past the lumps in my throat and the tears in my eyes I submitted with one big lump "Jesus will you please be Savior, I need you, help me please." My life has not been the same since, because once you ask, you do receive and now you have a helper that God places within you directly and that is the power of the Holy spirit, and to affirm that truth here is a passage I found that Jesus Himself promises to those who believe:

John 14:26; Jesus said, "But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative-that is, the Holy Spirit- He will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you."

What an amazing truth, and countless numbers of people around the world can give a testimony to that truth Jesus promised so long ago. Think about it and then ASK HIM!

After I asked Christ into my life, I was attacked by the enemy over a two month period of time. He was angry I am sure of it. But I was truly attacked, my lusts were mounting, my thoughts became vile, I started down a path that ultimately ended this way: I became addicted to prescription pain medications such as vicadine, Valium, and other mood altering prescription drugs. My alcohol use increased. My life was spinning out of control, till one day enough was enough, I had quit my job and did not tell my wife, my insurance was good for about a month longer so I make the decision to go into a treatment center to get help with sex, drugs, and alcohol. I received some help from some guys at an AA meeting and they provided the support needed. I then went home and placed a Valium gently on the table and I told my wife I need help. We got me into a treatment center not far from my home and I started to receive treatment because God provided us a means to be able to pay for it. Now keep in mind my insurance only had 30 days on it. So at the end of one month I had to go to my counselor at the facility and tell her what was going on. After I received my chew out for poor choices and lack of communication, we had to call my wife and tell her so she could start the insurance that day on a COBRA plan or I was out. That went real well as you can imagine. My wife was stunned, and my counselor supported and encouraged her not to fix it. So I had to call my mother in law, tell her what I did and ask for the money. Who was feeling proud that day (sarcasm). She loaned us the money. My wife was hurt because we had sat discussed what I would do with the job when I got out (there was no job to be had when I got out). But God despite my lying saw fit to get me help and once again provided my help when I needed it. At the same time, because we were only living on my wife's income God once again provided, she asked Him to help stretch the gas for the car as she was making a 180 mile round trip twice a week, He Did! She asked Him to help stretch her food, she ate meagerly but He did! God took very good care of us despite my lies, weakness, and complete disregard for anybody but me. HE HELPED! You know as I read even just up to this point, it amazes me the amount of love in my wife's heart for me. She is a very good woman who got very wronged by me. She endured many more things I will share as this story unfolds now and in the future. But she is the wind beneath my wings. She loves me, supports me, and requires more of me. But the best part is she sees me. Who I try to be and who God made me to be. If you find a woman like mine, don't do what I did. She is truly amazing! This was truly a case of insanity where God had to intervene on my behalf because I was not making very sound decisions.

This particular incident created a year long spiral that ended in a divorce from my wife (who I am by the way, with the help of God, remarried too.) But my descent started after a move to Florida for a few months after I got out of treatment. I returned home to be with my wife and everything was fine for awhile, but as time went along, I became angry and disassociated some day's started drinking more heavy, stealing from my job, my pornography urges picked up in intensity and Satan was on the attack again, we separated by me moving into the other bedroom, I would come home after the bar closed, until I eventually moved out. The divorce got filed and I really struggled in my little apartment. Just a side note to that little apartment. When I first moved in, after the landlord left once the lease was signed, I found a pamphlet on top of the fridge that I did not notice when I was looking the place over, it said "Do you Know Him?" God was there right from the start. Move forward to when I got a computer to keep me company and that is when it all went bad. I spent hours downloading and surfing pornography pictures, I signed up on sites that took my money because I would forget about the three day trial and my account got hit and I started over drafting my account. I would not eat right or spend money on fast food, I was taking myself directly into financial ruin. I started loosing sleep by staying on the computer till 4 or 6 in the morning, I lost weight I looked bad. I was living on fast food, frozen pizza, and checking account advances. Pornography and masturbation had become my world. I would work, come home and look at porn, go to bed and so on. So I had hit a breaking point and I remember one night after watching hours of video streams of home made porn, I went to bed and I knew I couldn't stop on my own. I curled up in my bed and pulled my pillow close and my blankets close and just cried. I prayed to God and I told Him, "Lord I am dying a spiritual and moral death, I am slowly becoming a shell and I do not know what to do. I am scared for my soul and if this keeps up it will be horrible to live, because I will be morally dead. I need help, please Lord help me, I know I should have started that group and I didn't. I wish I had Lord" and I cried for a while longer before drifting off to sleep. The next day I got up and checked my email and a man I had talked to about beginning a sex addicts anonymous program a few months prior to all this, sent me an email and it said this, and I quote: "I am down in Dallas right now on business, but I was guided toward getting a hold of you this morning, how is the plans for the SA group coming? Do you need any help with it? Just haven't heard from you in a while. Doing alright?" That is God being in your bedroom, when you are hurting and needing help. That is God at work and that is God having a personal relationship with you. It is possible. He also led me to my Elder board at the church to have them pray over me after I told them all that had went on and what state I was in. Those men loved me enough to listen, not judge, and I heard some very heart felt prayers said for me. That is God helping. Now I have an SA group started and He continually helped in the process of getting one started. That is His Group and this is His blog.

So in conclusion, I can give me many more examples of help received from God, that would take to long because He is so active in my life. He simply wants us to know that to all who read this; He is there and does care about all of us. My prompting for this message was He wants us to seek refuge in Him and make our requests from the Heart and have faith that He will provide. Like I said from the beginning this is Gods blog and I believe in my heart of hearts that is what I heard Him say to me about this subject. Call on the Lord in your darkest times, your hopeless moments, your desperate hours. He will be there. Ask God to help you and believe you will receive through faith the help you need. Then listen, watch, and do not disregard coincidence, because that is Gods way of remaining anonymous. He has many helpers and people that He uses. Ask and you will receive, Scripture has already promised and God does not go back on His word. But you must have faith.

I want to leave this prayer with you;  Father in Heaven, Jesus has promised us the Holy spirit to intercede on our behalf and act as our advocate for His place within us. We pray that through faith we can receive that gift. Our actions have taken an amazing toll on our lives and we need your help. We need your love, and Father for those who still suffer I ask they be covered by the blood of Jesus Christ as your covenant with man has promised. We do not want to do Satan's work and we want to heal, we want our families to heal and we desire the peace only You can give us, only You can free us from our bondage. For those who waiver in faith, Father it is my prayer that their wavering be steadied and remain steadfast from this point forward.  I pray this prayer for all of us. Father We love You. In the precious name of Jesus Christ we pray. Amen."

Stand up for yourselves and ask for help, from God and the people He sends you.
My prayers are with you. Jason.