Song of Songs

I was sitting talking to my wife yesterday morning at the kitchen table about our previous night together. She had expressed a concern that made me uneasy but was very helpful. I have worried about becoming one sided with sex again. It appears that was already happening and she was right on with it. Annoying as it is :) she is usually right on with alot of her concerns. So God and I talked about healthy marriage last night. I believe it is ok to share the prayer without breaking any laws about public prayer for being noticed like the bible talks about. But with that disclaimer; I told him that I want a healthy marriage and that I am so tired of sex being about me and the pleasure I can get from a woman. That it warps my mind and contributes to the masturbation problem. That I truly hate this addiction and want it no more. It is a painful disease and I wanted this cup taken from me. Because I do have a true desire to love her in a good way, a Godly way.

So this morning I thought about what am I conveying to her in the bedroom. I am obviously conveying one sidedness. I also know that I am conveying presence with her. But those words are more general and clinical. What does my heart want to say to her when we are making love. So upon prompting to just crack the Bible this morning to work on this message I ran across exactly what I want to say to her and exactly what I want to feel with her. Upon reading it I knew it was what God wanted me to see so I could have a true, visual (cause guys are visual) sense of what my heart wants and needs and wishes to give her. Its is also the most poetic version of love making I have read. The verse I am referring to comes from "The song of songs" written by Solomon. My church told me that this section in some Bibles is called, "the song of Solomon" depending on what Bible you have. This is what it said...

Song of Songs 4: 12-15; You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices. Fragrant calamus and cinnamon, with all the trees frankincense, myrrh and aloe and every other lovely spice. You are a garden fountain, a well of fresh water streaming down from the mountains.

That is what I want my eyes and touch to say to her. God has given me this woman as a treasure for me to have. I don't want the ugliness to come in and spring up weeds in this Garden. Ugly and annoying weeds that choke the life out of all the beauty in it. Weeds that wither and let the wind blow fragments into the fountain till it just make it look like a dirty swimming pool. That is what sex addiction can do a marriage bed. I want to tend to the garden, I don't want to trample through it. My masturbation clips vines, my fantasies crush petals, my unhealthy desires cloud the living water that is beneath me. To bask in beauty is what I want. I thank God for giving me a visual sense of what my heart was trying to say and what my eyes were trying to reflect.

I hope this helped you to. That bed in your bedroom is where God wants you to lay with your treasure. He wants us to tend to the Garden and appreciate its beauty. So when your mind and your actions start to reflect something bad remember (try very hard to remember) this your partner and that is what he or she deserve from us. I have had lots of problems in that area and I will continue to seek to be there. That is where I want to be with her. The other is just to painful and does to much damage in and out of the bedroom. Which by the way tending the garden is a 24/7 task. I have been reminded lately that love is made throughout the day, not just in the bedroom. But if care is shown throughout the day the bedroom is where you can both bask together at the end of it.

So with that analogy of the Garden being given, just remember as I am going to do my best to remember; just like any flower or plant, if you cut the roots off, it is only pretty for while. Than it will wither and die. My garden did.

My prayers are with you. Jason