How it all began

When I was six years old I was molested by a neighbor while on a sick day from school. I did not tell anyone and drifted into my own mind after that. My family was busy dealing with an alcoholic parent and their survival (just like mine came first). My brothers didn't want to deal with me and Mom was busy trying to keep the peace. I started seeking the first phases of addiction then. I needed gratified and numbed. I saw how alcohol affected my father and I wanted the same, just sleep and not real feel anything. I didn't neccessarily like the taste but I did like the feeling it provided. Thus began my blueprint to alcoholism later in life. Masturbation was my first love and started that like drinking at age 7. By time I was in fifth grade I already been getting high for 1 and half years. Till I overdosed one night. The solution was I couldnt play with that friend whose brothers drugs I used. That was the end of story for my parents. But it was not all better, I just got better at hiding things. The masturbation got worse and so did the fantasies. I remember talking my friends sister into taking off her clothes for me and letting me touch her. That was it. It was all about the skin, the pictures, you name it after that. I began a slow but definite decent into pornography and later strippers and prostitutes. Which led me into wanting to explore all I could. My life by time I reached age 20 was getting out of control. The bad part is I was just at the beging of the chaos that would last another 18 years after that. I always wonder what if I had never been molested? Who would I be? How would I think? I have come to the realization that God is using my life for his Glory and that of the kingdom. I find solace in the fact that my life doesnt have to be for nothing. That my sins can let Jesus work miracles.